Are We Compatible Yet?

Most of us want true love, but why is it that only some of us find it? There are a vast number of reasons, but the one I am going to focus on in this blog post is compatibility. Sometimes we are so blinded by infatuation and hope that we forget to examine whether there’s compatibility. Afterall, we’re so thrilled that we like the same movies, food, music and so on. We take these little things to mean that we have “good chemistry.”

Unfortunately, good chemistry doesn’t automatically mean good compatibility; it just feels like it should. But when the bloom wears off and the friction kicks in, we typically switch to a form of delusion in which think we can love someone into changing to be the person we need or want them to be.

That doesn’t work. If it did, most therapists would be out of a job. By the time it’s obvious that there are major issues in a relationship, couples are often far too invested to go through the pain of separating. Instead, they dig in and battle it out until they’re ready to accept that a good, healthy, relationship just isn’t possible. Hurt, anger, and disappointment are the inevitable outcomes.

So what can you do to avoid going down the wrong path when it all seems so wonderful early on, when you’re head over heels, enthralled with the possibilities, the intense feelings, the great fun, the great sex, and everything else that comes with this new relationship that might be “the one?”

The answer isn’t easy: ask the tough questions and make sensible choices. What are your absolutes, the non-negotiables? You want children, he doesn’t. He craves a high octane life in a large city and you imagine eventually settling in a small town in the country, spending your time gardening and cooking. The list could go on for pages. But regardless of the specifics, it comes down to this: Are you rigid or are you adaptable? Can you accept and support your differences? If so, how? In other words, can you know yourself, assess your partner, and honestly answer the question, “are we compatible?

Speak Your Mind