Q: Can I ever be whole again?

You will never be someone who was not abused and you will never be someone who had an easy childhood.  Healing cannot change that.  Your present and future, however, can be different.  And your present and future can be easier, happier, and fulfilling.

Good therapy with a good therapist is crucial for healing. There is the necessity of someone hearing your story, believing your story and helping  you to know it was not your fault. There was nothing at all you could do to stop what happened, no matter what anyone has told you.

For a survivor of abuse, working with a therapist who truly knows you and cares about you can make an enormous difference in the healing process.  Feeling protected and nurtured is something everyone needs and it is not too late to get those essentials. You can learn to trust yourself by working with a therapist who tells you when you are walking into danger and what skills you need to keep yourself safe. 

While all therapists take different approaches, I have found that it is not necessary to tell and relive every detail of your story. But when you talk about your experience — the feelings, grief, and anger — with someone you trust, you can finally stop retraumatizing yourself. The telling become cathartic and therefore healing. 

I would never do this kind of work if people did not get better, if life did not change. At some point the therapy begins to shift from trauma work to complaints about your boss, your partner, just day-to-day living. That’s when I know you’ve turned the corner.

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